


Love Life

by Lauri_C



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, Feelings, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 18:50:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16792681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lauri_C/pseuds/Lauri_C
Summary: Love is Life and Life is Love. When a writer gets a crush...





	1. Now Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work that I actually decided to post. Each chapter is kind of like a diary entry, and the entire work is a total of three parts, showing my feelings of different phases during my crush. Enjoy!

10/17/18

Oh the curse of life! Why, why why bring me into this again so soon?

I know how it is to love, to share happiness and sorrow, glee and fury, to walk hand in hand and heart in heart, to be proud of each other and grieve for each other, only to have it end in tear and parted paths and final goodbyes, or tears and slammed doors and cold words, and I know that I would never regret anything I’ve done, that if I had the choice I wouldn’t change any of it, but why!

Familiarity is a gift in strangers, and when I heard your name I knew it would be you that responded. Whether a trick of memory or a gift from the force I do not know, but the uncertainty, and the feelings, and the helplessness are all so familiar that all wells back to result in struggles and quiet sobs. Is it a gift? I am not sure.

However, I am sure of you. I the excited gleam in your eyes as you introduce me to the room you love the most, I know the concentration of your breath as you focus on the problem at hand, I know your laugh as a particular joke latches onto your funny bone in class, and I know the slightly nervous uncertainty as you join Chorus for the first time and I know the silent fury and the helpless anger you feel today. I do not know yet if this is love, but I am not stupid enough to have forgotten my past sorrows. I will not let this relationship ruin the foundations of our newly built friendship, for if it ends like the past, it will only be me who suffers.


	2. The Breaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2. In which my feelings take a big turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the Second part of Love Life and is a relatively short entry because the information my friend told me has seriously shocked me, and this is as much as my brain can comprehend.

11/16/18

Another life fated to end in sadness?

She is my friend. He is my crush. I do not know if she is aware of his feelings, and in the moment I do not care. The reasonable part of my soul tell me I should give up lest I get hurt for another time, another part broken off my heart, but give up? Is that something I would do?

Since the beginning of the school year you made your place in my heart, and to do this now will erase that warmth and leave me cold for the brutal oncoming winter. Indeed in all of my previous lives, I have never been forced to give up. And each and every failure has resulted in a new rebirth. To leave now…that is beyond imagining.

Speaking of imagination, I don’t know what is going to happen. The spear of reality often tears through the faint mist of the life supported by imagination, and the heartfelt feeling that feeds the mist has died inside. What will I do? Who now can I trust? That is left in the hands of the mystery that is love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to comment if you are confused about something or have a guess about what is going on.  
> Suggestions accepted and welcomed!  
> :)


	3. The End of the Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3rd and last part, where I regard my feelings of the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the third part of love life. I have made a significant step in the relationship by giving him my number, only for my hopes to be doused.  
> I might consider adding a bonus part since I am working with my music teacher on an original song based off these passages I wrote.

I’m fine. I said I’m fine. 

But really?

REALLY?

That’s what I say to everyone else.

Deep down…I don’t know.

What am I going to do?

They say they believe in me; they say I will eventually find one good enough for me. I tell myself that I will have another chance someday, that I was only a bit late this time.

Truth is always hard to deal with, and you would lie so hard to everyone and even yourself that you would all almost believe it.

No one would care anymore beyond the first few days, they’d be fooled by the lie and get back to everyday business, thinking you would have moved on. 

Of course not.

One does not spend hundreds of thousands of hours thinking of a person, carefully planning every word with them, every exchange, every progressive step in the relationship; one does not use every day and every class you take with him to take pride in his achievements and pity him with his hardships; one does not text friends over every single of his perceptible sign of liking towards you, and be excited for hours about a single message from him.

One does not leave feelings behind when one knows love. 

One does not move on until a new life is placed in front of their eyes.

And it is not the stabbing, tear-jerking ache from the last life, nor the inexorable doom-like fate that yanks you away from the one afore that.

It is merely fleeting. But it leaves an imprint in one’s heart. 

A crinkle that can never be smoothed out.

I still love you, and still will. But I respect your choice, and I acknowledge your bravery to express it.

Goodbye, love. Hello, friend.

I will still be waiting for love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, question, guesses and suggestions in the comments!  
> :)


	4. Bonus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonus: An original song by my music teacher and me, based off all the stuff I wrote

I know what it is to love, to share happiness and sorrow, The good things in life are so much clearer when I’m with you.

I know how what it is to feel glee, as I stand singing right beside you, Singing hand in hand; connected heart to heart

Is it a gift? I’m not sure. However I am sure of you. 

Familiarity is a gift in strangers and I’m so glad I found that gift in you 

When I heard your name, I knew it was you, you are the one person I really connected to

This is the start of the beginning.

I know the excited gleam in your eyes as you show me all your favorite things, 

We're so alike, We're in sync 

I know loneliness, I know it well

Then you came around, opened my eyes and mind to see

How much you mean to me.

Is it love? I’m not sure. However I'm sure of you.

Familiarity is a gift in strangers and I’m so glad I found that gift in you 

When I heard your name, I knew it was you, you are the one person I really connected to

Is this how it is in the beginning? 

I can’t forgot my past sorrows. I say I’m fine but deep down, I don’t know

The foundation is a bond stronger than I’m willing to break

Well I have you now, and I hope that won't change.

Familiarity is a gift in strangers and I’m so glad I found that gift in you 

When I heard your name, I knew it was you, you are the one person I really connected to

You touched my heart and you always will. But you're different now, and so hello friend.

This is the end of the beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> Ask any questions/guesses you have regarding the exact events!  
> Suggestions are very welcome!  
> (And yes, there is a Star Wars reference in there)  
> :)


End file.
